


At least i don't pretend to be cool

by Jamiecat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: DJ Dave, Dave being a nerd, F/F, John drunk, M/M, Modern AU, shrine, surpriseboyfriend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-03-31 13:18:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3979453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamiecat/pseuds/Jamiecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and John have been sharing an apartment for a while. They've been best friends since dave moved to Washington. (he still hates the cold) And they both needed a roomie. John gets drunk he goes in the room Dave restricts him from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm no cutie

John opened the door his roommate had told him so many times not to…the door that he said would lead to utter death the door that lead you to the room you could never unsee. He opened the door on accident. It wasn’t his fault his Karkat got him drunk. As he opened the door he sees a faint light  
He opens the door a bit more and realizes why he shouldn’t have done this. A shrine dedicated to him was everyone in that room. Whether it was a picture of him on the wall or a full size cardboard cutout it didn’t matter. It was there.  
He almost faints when he hears the door shut and his roommate Dave walk in saying his usual ‘I’m back Nerd!’  
and going off to do who know what, well now I guess you do know what. He starts to hear Dave walking near him and he panics, he quickly shuts the door to the shrine and prays to all of the gods he know that Dave did NOT walk in. If Dave walked in then his life would be ruined. And that’s when he sees it, the doorknob moving. Time seems to be moving at the slowest rate in his life. Eventually the door opens and he sees the lights turn on. The room was no longer a faint pink but a full on red. And that’s when he sees him, Dave walks in and drops the bag he was holding. John backs away from Dave muttering something along the lines of  
‘Shit man I’m sorry.’  
But before he could finish he faints.  
John wakes up on the couch, a bucket in front of him. He sees Dave walk back with a damp cloth in his hands and lays it on John’s head.  
“Hey…Bro do you think maybe you could forget about that thing you uh…saw?” he hears Dave ask as he turns his head away.  
“I don’t know man if I did then it would make no sense for me to do this.” John says and sees Dave tilt his head. John leans forward and kisses Dave. He could feel Dave’s eyes widen until they snap shut and he becomes an active member of the kiss. They break apart and John smirks.  
“I thought…I thought you weren’t-” Dave stumbles until John interrupts him.  
“I wasn’t until I met you” John winks as he says that he fucking winks.  
Dave sigh “I really didn’t want you to find out I liked you by” he gestures to the room “that.”  
John chuckles “I can always say because I banged my head on the way down that I don’t remember.”  
“Definitely not…it just wasn’t what I expected.” Dave sighs a small smile on his face  
“Now get to sleep. You gonna have the worst headache in the morning” Dave says as he kisses John’s forehead.  
He hears John turn and say “whatever it’s your fault, Cutie” When Dave turns back he sees him asleep.  
“How is it my fault?" Dave says until he realizes there is more of a pressing matter. "i am not cute" he says with a huff and turns to walk into his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -i have fixed the Henry thing e-e


	2. pshh i wasn't THAT drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically John denies being THAT drunk and why he was drunk.

As soon as Dave walks into his room he feels like screaming. He doesn't know if it's because John saw his room or because John kissed him. Probably both, he knew he should have locked that door HE KNEW IT.

"I'm a fucking idiot" he says over and over to himself.

he stops and realizes

John kissed him. john the 'no homo' king kissed him. 

he was drunk. That's the only reason why. The only reason possible. Why would John just kiss him that makes no sense. 

That was a drunk kiss and that's all that matters.

Dave sighs gets out of his work clothes and lays down in bed to sleep.

only he doesn't sleep. he can't all he does is replay that kiss in his head.

eventually he passes out. Working as a DJ for 10 hours is stressful.   
-~-~-~-~-~

john wakes up on the couch. He groans.   
"god damn it why did i let Karkat talk me into drinking?" he sighs under his breath and gets up.

he sees a glass of water and some asprin on the counter. underneath the water was a note: You were fucking wasted last night dude -Dave

john sighs and takes the asprin.

"i wasn't that wasted" he states a pout on his face. he checks the time 12:31 pm. He sighs he's never slept in that badly. He's about to go take a shower when he sees another note. -went shopping ran out of AJ- Dave. John puts it down and takes his shower.

-~-~-~-~-~

Dave walks back into his flat as soon as his phone rings. "M'back nerd" he says just in case John is here. then picks up his phone. Harley. Doesn't she normally just call John?  
"Hey Ja-" that's all he gets out until he hears Karkat yelling on the other end

"YOU NOOK SNIFFER WHY DID YOU NOT MAKE YOUR MOVE I SET IT UP IT WAS FUCKING PERFECT JOHN WAS IN PRIME CONDITION FOR YOU TO HAVE A GOGDAMN SLOPPY MAKE-OUT SESSION AND ALL YOU GET? A SIMPLE KISS WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STRIDER?" he hears Karkat take a breath for air and takes his chance

"what do you mean Karkles?" he asks hoping no rant is coming from him

"I MEAN I GOT JOHN FUCKING PREPARED FOR YOU AND ALL YOU DO IT KISS HIM WHICH HE HAD TO DO? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU STRIDER?" karkat stops again

"karkat this 'awesome' plan of yours required John to be drunk. I am not kissing a drunk Egdork that's just a douche move." Dave explains. 

"WHATEVER STRIDER GO GET SOME EGBERT ASS NOW I'M DONE WITH YOU" karkat says and hangs up.

Dave sighs then realizes 

John told Karkat about their kiss. Maybe it wasn't a drunk kiss?


	3. so not drunk kiss..

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John acts as if Dave and him are dating. Dave isn't sure if john likes him because he's an idiot

Dave walks into the apartment and a second after he sees John emerge from the shower. All Dave can think about at this moment is the fact that egbert isn't wearing a shirt.  
Dave can't help it, he stares...a lot. John looks at Dave and realizes that.  
john walks over to dave and take his bags and walks away

"hey Daveeee.." he draws out the end of Dave reminding Dave of Vriska, John's ex.

"hey Bro, what are ya' doing?" Dave asks, finally out of his egbert-induced trance.

"putting away the bags you forgot about." john replies without looking up

"oh." is all Dave replies. John finishes putting the bags when Dave asks him a question.

"so how's the head?" Dave chokes on air when he realizes how that might sound.

"they're fine,both of them." John replies and walks to his room leaving Dave standing there. Dave can not figure out how he should have taken that.  
-~-~-~-~-~

"So you want to go out sometime?" John asks while they're eating dinner

"hm oh shouldn't you have asked that before we ate?" Dave asks picking up his AJ taking a sip

"i meant like a movie or something Dave gosh" John says pushing up his glasses and taking a bite of his pizza.

"oh uh sure."


	4. Movies in shades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MOVIE TIME!!!!!

Dave and John walk into the movie theatre and right now all Dave can think is 'is this a fucking date?' he can't figure out if the derp was asking him out, or asking him out.

"hey Dave, i can get the drinks and stuff if you pay for the movie." John says interrupting Daves thinking.

"sure egderp" Dave says. He walks towards the ticket booth thingy as John walks to get the shit.

"Two tickets to demoirailed."((see what i did there??)) he says looking the lady in the eye, not like she can tell

"coming up sir!" she says happily. she hands him the tickets and he makes his way to John.

"Here Dork i got the tickets." Dave says as soon as he gets to John.

"Thanks Dave! i can't wait to see this movie!" John says with a huge ass smile on his face

"Egbert you know this is a horror right?" Dave asks. He can't tell if John's being serious or not

"Of course i know" John says grabbing the popcorn from the dude and walking off

"And your going to be able to watch it?" Dave asks the derp looks like he might be scared of spiderman.

"Dave i am an adult i can watch a movie without getting scared."

tHAT was a total lie.

the whole movie egbert clinged to Dave whether he was hiding his face in Dave or staring at the screen.

Dave really thinks this was just a plan to get to cuddle but, he's still denying that they are in a relationship.

Half way through John looks at Dave and realizes he still has his shades on.

"Dave you can't watch a movie with shades on" He says after a squeak.

"Watch me Egbert."

"Dave you can't see shit"

"egbert my eyes are to cool to not be able to see"

"Dave that doesn't make sense"

"i'm not taking them off" Dave says looking at John

"fine be uncool about it" John says letting go of Dave and turning back to the movie.

but after about five seconds he's back to clinging to him.

-~-~-~-~-~

"Well that was a good movie"

"Dude you hid the whole time i don't think you know what any of the people even looked like."

"because they all died" John mutters under his breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and ideas appreciated.


	5. cuddles no.. this is bruddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John makes Dave cuddle but Dave isn't to sure.

John is sitting on the couch watching the best movie ever

Con Air, Dave makes fun of this movie so much but he's just jealous, his cool kid persona wont allow him to watch this great movie. But of course John will fix that.

Dave walks through the house that night, the lights are dim and he smells popcorn, Egbert's watching a movie without him. he rounds the corner into the living room and sees why.

Con Air, the stupid ass movie that has captured John's heart. He doesn't understand what is so 'cool' about Nic Cage.

"Hey Egdork." Dave starts walking to his room

"Hey Dave! come watch this with me" John says barely turning his head from the movie.

"dude no that is so uncool."

"But Daveeeeeeeeeeeee" John holds his hands out

"What bro?"

"I wanna cuddle" John says with a pout. Dave sighs he knows he's going to give in, he doesn't know if he's even dating the dork but he knows he wants to cuddle.  
Dave slowly starts walking to John and John pulls him onto the couch. They are laying next to each other on the too small of a couch. Dave's feet are hanging of the couch.

"egderp no this is not working" dave says as he starts to sit up

"Dave come on don-" Dave just picked up John and put him in his lap. Dave leans his head to Johns ear and whispers 

"Better." John blushes and Dave smirks.

the rest of the movie is spent by John hording the popcorn and Dave giving up slowly

Dave has come to realize that Con Air isn't to bad. if he gets to cuddle.


	6. So..that's a yes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they finally get around to talking about the... situation they are in

Dave is on his day off in his John room when John walks in to bother him

John's recently realized that this John room was meant for him and that Dave meant for it to be a compliment 

He then realized that, that was probably just Dave trying to save his ass.

But he doesn't care he thinks it's kinda cute how Dave made that room for him.

"hey Egdork what do you want?" Dave interrupts his thoughts

"oh uh i just wanted to talk to you"

"Me too, get over here" Dave says patting a seat next to him

"okay shoot" John really didn't want to ask first.

"Really dork? okay i was wondering what" he gestures to the two of them "this is."

John sighs a breath of relief then looks at Dave and decides to be an ass

"This is the room you dedicated to me." he smiles the most innocent one he could

"Damn it John i knew you'd say that." Dave face palmed mentally but in reality he just rubbed his temples

"You know i meant us."

"oh yeah. Uh i don't know" 

"Egbert you truly are so helpful."

"Okay because i know this will get no where if i don't ask this i'm going to attempt to woo you with my amazing Strider skills" dave says and then stops doing what ever the hell he was doing and looks at John

"Do you want to go out or some shit Egderp?"

"i don't know let me think about it it's kind of a hard decision."

"Egbert i could just kill you" 

John giggles at that and then kisses Dave, Dave reciprocates and kisses back, though as soon as it gets heated John pulls back

"i'm going to take that as a yes" Dave says before kissing John again, who smiles into the kiss.

-a quick sloppy makeout session later-

"oh bro you didn't say what you were going to say" Dave pulls away from john to say.

"i was going to ask if we were going out or not" He smiles

"You made me do that you Dork."

"yup" John goes back to kissing Dave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUGH I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE WITH THIS ONE


	7. cutie pooties

Okay let's just get this straight.

I, John Egbert, do have a job.

I work at a movie shop. And it's amazing

except for when I'm still 'in the honeymoon period' with Dave

because i miss him

and i'm like a teenage girl.

_______________

I obviously have a job. 

I mean why would i not have one.

Someones gotta pay for Egderp.

I'm a DJ at my brothers club.

I don't know why he made me work there.

But he pays well

But i want to go see John.

Damn I'm acting like a love sick puppy.

_______________

-their jobs pass on uneventfully but John always gets home before Dave. he has to go another hour without dave._

John sighs as he walks home. He know that he needs to do something.

He decides to go on pesterchum.

no ones on

he walks away and goes to get food. 

*bing*

after he got his taco bell from the fridge he went to check the message.

It was from Karkat.

-CarcinoGenetist [CG] began trolling EctoBiologist [EB]-

CG: HEY NOOKSTAIN  
CG: ARE YOU EVEN ON  
CG: JOHN EGBERT WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU  
-ah yes the usual impatient as fuck, Karkat Vantas-  
EB: Karkat calm down! i was just getting food  
CG: WHATEVER FUCKASS I NEED TO TALK TO YOU  
EB: well i'm right here :B  
CG: HOW IS YOUR MATESPRITSHIP WITH STRIDER GOING  
EB: uhm i assume you mean dating but fine!  
CG:THEN WHY ARE YOU NOT SPEAKING TO HIM RIGHT NOW.   
CG:I KNOW I AM YOUR GOD AND EVERYTHING  
CG:BUT YOU SHOULD SPEAK TO YOUR MATESPRIT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE  
EB: Karkat  
EB: Dave's at work  
EB: i can't really talk to him.  
CG: WHATEVER FUCKASS  
CG: I'M NOW LEAVING EGBERT  
EB: what why

-CarcinoGenetist [CG] ceased trolling EctoBiologist [EB]-

well now your bored again.  
And your taco bell tasted like shit  
just like normal

"I'm back Egbert you miss me?" John squeals he must have been talking to Karkat for a while, he looks down at the time and sees it's not time for Dave to be home.

He walks out and sees Dave standing in the doorway taking off his shoes.

"Why are you home so early?" 

"What you don't appreciate the fact i'm here Egbert?" Dave starts walking over to John and wraps his arms around John's waist.

"I do it's just weird your already home." 

"Bro let me go early"

"Why? normally he makes you stay late"

"He got pissed because apparently i wasn't DJing well enough so he shoved me out."

"oh."

Dave laughs and kisses John's cheek. "don't sound so sad, he let me go at normal time."

"what?"

"he usually makes me stay two hours later. So he doesn't have to pay me for that."

"oh wow he really does that?"

"yup. now come on egbert i want some of that ass" Dave says as he grabs John's butt and carries him to his room.

John squeals.

*use your imagination for this part*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you get the reference in the title i will love you forever


	8. double date :0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and John go on a date with Rose and Kanaya

Today was a regular Monday.

John and Dave both had work off.

They were going to go on their first 'official' date. 

until Rose called John and asked him to hang out.

They discussed this for a while and decided a double date was fine

but Dave was paying for everyone.

So that's where they are Dave and John both getting ready for their da- double date.  
\---  
Dave's kinda pissed that Rose and Kanaya are tagging along but also relieved because he doesn't have to worry about things getting awkward with John.

But pissed because this his fucking first date with the kid. He wanted it to be special and shit.

\---  
John's super excited that Rose and Kanaya are joining them on their date.

he was scared that things would get quite if it was only Dave with him. 

Even though it is always just them at the apartment.  
\---

Dave and John are walking to the park where they are meeting Rose and Kanaya.

they are holding hands like the cliche couple they are. They finally get to the park and see Rose and Kanaya laying on the grass.

"hey guys!"

"sup"

they both look over at John and Dave and smile. they get up to greet them.

"hello" they both say at the same time, that was fucking creepy.

"okay we ready to get our eat on?" Dave asks starting to turn.

\---one short walk to a restaurant later---

"table or booth?"

"table"

they go to sit down and the guy serving them -now known as Eric- just shoves their shit on the table and walks away in a huff. 

"what's his problem?" Dave asks as he looks at the menu. His and John's legs were hooked under the table.

"i don't know but he seemed pissed off."

"whatdya want to drink?" the guy asks glaring at all of them

"pepsi!"-John-

"coke"-Dave-

"sweet tea"-Rose-

"coffee" -Kanaya-

they all order their drinks as John and Dave begin to fight over which is better coke or pepsi.

the guy comes back and gives them their drinks, almost spilling John's all over Dave as he goes to give John the drink.

that's when Dave decided he'd be an ass back

"What do you want?" the guy asks now looking anywhere but the table

"you to stop being a jerk" Dave says not looking up from his menu.

"dave don't" john sighs

the waiter glares at Dave 

"Sir, it is required for you to take off your sunglasses."

"not happening"

"Dave just take them off." Rose decides to talk now

"Rose no."

they go into a debate until the owner dude comes out.

"is there a problem here?" he asks and the waiter stiffens.

"yeah this dude is telling me to take off my shades. And is being a complete ass to us."

"Sir i didn't mean to be disrespectful i just don't find it acce-"

"nonsense Eric if this man doesn't want to take off his shades than he doesn't have to" 

Everyone at the table except Dave visibly relaxes.

"yes sir"

"i'm sorry for the problem, your dessert is on the house."

"thanks" 

the manager walks away and Eric is switched with a peppy waitress.

"i'm sorry about him he just doesn't like.." she leans towards the table "gay people" 

almost the whole table doesn't even care. They all knew they were gay, or were raised on an alien planet where being gay didn't even exist.

Except for john

he'd never really known he was gay/bi until he met Dave.

So that hurt him a lot more than the rest of the group.

Dave noticed the sudden change and smiled at him grabbing his hand under the table. John just squeezed his hand 

"So are you ready to order?" the waitress, Abigail, asked

Rose was the first to order, "uhm yes i'd like the chicken Parmesan"

kanaya order some thing on the troll side of the menu.

"This nerd over here and i will just take two burgers" Dave says knowing John isn't up to talking at the moment.

"okay i'll be right back" she smiles and walks away.

Rose and Kanaya go and hold their own conversation while Dave tries to cheer up John

"hey Egderp people are asses come on perk up"

John sighs "i know it's just, this was the first time i've ever been criticized for being... me"

Dave's cool kid shield falls off and he almost kills that guy. he made John feel like that. "Hey john" Dave says, John looks up.

Dave leans in and kisses John

Dave pulls back and puts his forehead on John's "If anyone tries to say that i can't love you because we are both dudes then i will personally kill them. Understood?"

John smiles and nods his head.

"Ahemm" Abigail is standing infront of the table with their food. "

"oh thanks." Dave takes it and blushes because of his display of PDA.

\--AFTER DINNER--

"thanks guys that was fun, other than the asshole" Rose says taking Kanaya's hand and waving away from them.

"yup."

\--le home--

as soon as they get back at their apartment John pulls Dave to the couch and they cuddle. eventually they decide they can't cuddle on the couch forever and they go and move to Dave's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i want to add some Jade x Karkat shit in here but idk if any of you don't like that so can you comment and tell me? //i kinda ship it but i don't ship it enough to care if i can't put it in here//


	9. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> authors note 
> 
> yay

AUGHHHH,

so i was on a train and i put my computer down to go get some food and i when i come back the screen was cracked to shit.

 

i will kill trains

so i wont be updating for a while sorry guys


	10. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boring but please read  
> ((they always say this))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ

GUESS WHO'S BACK....  
BACK AGAIN  
it's me

my computer broke and i had to borrow my dad's for a while i WOULD have posted if

he knew i wrote fanfic/knew i was in the homestuck fandom/knew i had an account here

SO IM BACK AND IM GOING TO CONTINUE

YAY

LETS HOPE I DIDN'T FORGET THE STORY ;~;


	11. the move??????!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John moves

Damn it John is moving

this is always a bad sign

JUST KIDDING

ha no John's moving from his room to Dave's. 

they've been dating for like 5 weeks so it must be time 

"John do you really need so much shit or??" Dave asks grabbing another of the huge ass piles of shit John has in his room

"OF COURSE DAVE what type of question is that?" John squeals while attempting to pic up his computer (very heavy ass desktop type thingy)

"Babe just leave the computer here we could make this like an office or something" Dave says taking the shit ton of shit to their newly shared room.

John almost drops the computer he somehow picked up. Dave has been calling him babe for about 3 weeks but it still makes him really fucking excited when he hears it

"Okay!" John yells across the hall, he then takes another pile of shit and moves it to the other room

John starts to bend over to drop the shit as Dave walks by and smacks his ass.

*random squeally noise here* "DAVE!!!" john turns to Dave his face flustered

"What?" Dave asks shrugging his shoulders but he was smirking.

"DON'T JUST SMACK SOMEONES ASS" John yells stomping his foot

"i didn't just smack someones ass Johnny i smacked yours" Dave smirks and brings John in for a kiss

John pulls back "Dave im not kissing you until you apologize"

Dave stops smirking "For what?"

"for hurting my ass"

Dave chuckles "you want me to kiss it better?"

John runs away

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably be the first of a long fluff.. not sure ((actually probably i have no life so why not.))  
> I'M SORRY THIS IS MY FIRST FANFICTION I CAN'T WRITE ;~;
> 
> this beginning was based off of a writing prompt- 'He turned the key in the lock and opened the door. To his horror, he saw…'


End file.
